Grumpy doesn’t like most things, but there are some things that really make her grumpy. So before we annoy her past the point of return, she’s spelling out her top ten pet peeves.
1. Asking me to smile: If one more person tells me to smile, I’m going to lose it. I don’t smile—and I won’t start because you asked. Keep your cat calls to yourself.
2. Social media:I have had it up to here with the social media. I don’t want friends in real life. What makes you think I’d want them on a computer?
3. Being ignored:You saw another cute cat video? Spend more time looking at my pictures. I was born for the spotlight, and I will NOT be ignored.
4. Grooming:Try to give me a bath, I dare you. Look at this tongue—I’m perfectly equipped to handle the grooming myself.
5. An empty bowl:My humans think they can sleep past 5 a.m. and there will be no consequences. As if I am going to wait for food. That sounds terrible.
6. Copycats:Everywhere I go people are always trying to steal my look. For example, there are these cats in my house who are always copying me. What’s their deal?
7. No strings attached:Don’t expect me to put on a show for cat treats. Just put some Pull ‘n Play in my Wobbert and leave. I want my treats with no strings attached… unless the strings are edible.
8. Selfie sticks:Humans love selfies. I know this because they always ask to take them with me. But what is up with those sticks? I hardly see how you need them to take more pictures of me.
9. Sun-blocking curtains:I have to look my best around the clock—so humans, please stop covering my windows with that awful fabric. You’re ruining my sunspots…and my 16 hours of beauty rest.
10. Party invites:I don’t care that it’s your birthday. I don’t like weddings. And I really can’t stand baby showers. Two hours in which someone else is getting all of the attention instead of me? Yeah—count me out. I’ll be home hosting my kind of party—a party of one—and you’re not invited.
The world’s grumpiest cat.