We’ve all been there: when you’re going about your day saying the things you normally do, only to realize that you’re either talking to your dog or about him to someone else who isn’t a pet parent themselves. It is then that you realize that you might sound a little crazy.
It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but some of the things we dog parents say probably should result in a laugh, at least from time-to-time. Here are the top funniest things only a dog parent would say:
1. “I have to get home to my baby”
Er, your fur baby that is. You might want to refrain from referring to your fur baby as an actual baby until you’ve gotten to know the person you’re talking to a little better – trust us on that one.
2. “Do you want a treat?”
We dog parents can become flagrant over-users of rhetorical questions. Did you really have to ask? Since when would anyone – human or otherwise – pass up a treat?
3. “That means he likes you”
Whether your dog is currently humping a stranger’s leg, licking his hand or staring fixatedly on this new person while panting, we pet parents can reason away the most bizarre behavior when necessary using this complimentary phrase.
4. You call him your first born
Whether you are planning to have kids or already do, you whole-heartedly believe your dog was baby number one, even if he now has a human sibling.
5. “Give me kisses”
Talk about demanding, no matter where or when, there’s no shame in a dog parent commanding a little affection.
6. “In dogs years he’s actually…”
Giving a straight answer when someone asks how old your dog really is can get a little complicated (math is involved here, people). You may be adding away in your head while whoever asked is scratching their own.
7. “He’s friendly I swear”
Many dogs’ barks can be worse than their bite, but that doesn’t mean their typically sweet face isn’t looking pretty vicious at the moment – given the snarling and the drooling and all.
8. “Oh, that’s his spot”
TV scientists aren’t the only ones who strongly reserve the right to hold onto their self-designated spot. Nod your head if you’ve ever made someone move so that your dog could be more comfortable.
9. “It’s time to go potty”
When you think about it, the demand can be a bit funny when asked both in public and in private to anyone else but a toddler, but dog parents may find themselves repeating this phrase multiple times a day.
10. “Your poop looks great!”
Nothing can excite a pet parent like a nice, solid piece of poop as their dog recovers from being sick. Still, this compliment may seem a bit overzealous, at least to those who haven’t tried to pick up diarrhea puddles for days.
11. “What is he?”
Not exactly the politest question to ask another person, but when dog parents get together, we’re all about wanting to know each other’s pet’s background story. We’re also probably secretly thinking that the dog in question is so cute, he must have [insert the type of your dog here] in him.
12. “Did you check the dog bed?”
When something goes missing, where’s the first place you look?
13. “You eat better than I do”
While opening a can of tuna or heating up a cold slice of leftover pizza for yourself, you catch a glimpse of your fur baby chowing down on his premium labeled food. Cost of your meal: Maybe one dollar. We’ll not ask how much that bag of grain-free, human grade dog food costs–but maybe we’ll try it.
14. “Watch the house”
Upon leaving for work or a dinner out, you task your four-legged companion with the arduous duty of holding down the fort, aka, napping on the couch.
15. “Who’s a good boy?”
There you go with those rhetorical questions again! Of course he is a good boy, do you really have to ask? Still, your dog will respond with wags and wiggles – and that was probably what you were hoping for.
Whether it’s the conversations we have with our dogs or the things we say about our babies to others, head tilts and laughs are welcome, as long as we can get some kisses (from our dogs that is) for the crazy things we say.
Caitlin Ultimo is a writer & editor who has been published on Pet360 & PetMD her work specializes in pet, family & beauty writing.