How To Cope With the Loss of a Pet

Just like losing a human family member, losing a pet can be a traumatic experience. Pets quickly become a part of your family, and you build a bond on mutual love and trust.

Pets love you unconditionally and are by your side during good and bad times. They share your life with you in intimate ways that even your friends and family members may not, perhaps comforting you when you’re sad or sharing your bed.

“Their constant presence truly becomes a steady source of support that you can count on,” says Farage-Smith.

Pets also become a big part of your daily routine. You may feed them as soon as you wake up, take them for an after-dinner walk, and play with them in the park on weekends. The change in routine brought on by their death can feel profound, and it’s a void that’s hard to fill.

It’s normal to feel deep sorrow, confusion, and even anger when you lose a pet. The goal isn’t to make those feelings go away or try to “get over” them.

Instead, there are some things you can do to help yourself move toward accepting the loss and embracing what will become your new routine in the weeks, months, and years to come.

1. Let Yourself Grieve

First and foremost, give yourself grace. A pet is a part of the family, and Dr. McVety says that it’s important to give yourself room to grieve for as long as you need to without judgment.

Remember that grief is not a linear process. You might feel better one day and then intense sorrow the next. This roller coaster of emotions is completely normal.

Everyone’s grieving process is different. Among other emotions, you may feel:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Shock
• Guilt
• Anxiety
• Fear

Let yourself feel all these without trying to force yourself to move past them or feel differently.

2. Don’t Dwell on the Bad Times

While uncomfortable emotions will undoubtedly arise during the grieving process, Dr. McVety says you should do your best to focus on the positive impact you had on your pet’s life and acknowledge the love, joy, and safety they found with you.

Picture your pet’s happiest moments and let those be the memories you cherish.

Dr. McVety says that it's natural to feel a sense of responsibility for what happened to your pet, and you may feel a sense of guilt when trying to rationalize loss. She says pet parents often seek explanations to make sense of what happened, which can lead to undeserved guilt, even when the situation was beyond your control.

However, blaming yourself for your pet’s illness, accident, or death can trap you in a cycle of guilt and grief, especially when you had no control over the outcome.

Remember that life’s constraints, like finances and time, can limit your options. Accept that you did your best with what you had.

3. Reach out To Loved Ones

While losing a pet can feel like an isolating experience, the people in your life who care about you likely want to help. Dr. McVety says you should not be afraid to ask for practical and emotional support from family and friends, whether that’s requesting a hot meal or some company.

The more you retreat from meaningful connections, the harder the process can be. This doesn’t mean you have to jump right back into social events, but you should lean on people when you need to.

If you have another pet, you may find some comfort in spending time with them and helping them through the grieving process as well.

4. Attend a Support Group

If you don’t have family members or friends who can assist or if you need more help, you can turn to a support group.

You can find pet loss support groups online or check for in-person support groups in your area. Your veterinary clinic may have resources for grief services in your area.

If you need more focused, one-on-one time, Farage-Smith says you may also wish to contact a counselor who specializes in pet bereavement counseling.

5. Memorialize Your Pet

When you’re ready, memorializing your pet can also be a profound part of the healing process.

Farage-Smith recommends a memorial stone, planting a tree in their memory, or donating to a local rescue group. She says that you could also have a memorial service with family and friends to honor your pet’s life.

Each person who attends can write and share one memory of your pet, and you can serve some of your pet’s favorite human treats, such as plain popcorn, cheese cubes, or blueberries.

6. Take Care of Yourself

While it may be difficult to stick to your normal routine, Farage-Smith also says it’s important to take care of yourself during this time.

Try to eat small nutritious meals even if you don’t have an appetite, keep yourself hydrated, and be sure to get enough sleep. This nourishment and self-care can help keep you moving through your grief.

After some time has passed, she also recommends adding in some relaxing and calming activities, like daily walks, light stretching, connecting with nature, and getting natural light by going outdoors. Positive affirmations and journaling can also help you focus on positive feelings.